Catholic, Culture, Parenting, Politics, saints

Non-toxic Masculinity

nontoxic masculinityIt ain’t easy being male. Not that I would know, but lately being a wife and a boy-mom, I’ve had a lot of sympathy for the less-fair sex. Feminism ran rampant, going so far beyond its noble beginnings with woman’s suffrage and ended up shaping our entire culture into a place where genuine masculinity is no longer welcome.

It starts when they are so young. Boys are forbidden to play “cowboys and Indians” because that is racist. They can’t play with sticks and toy guns because that is training them to be violent. When a little boy can’t sit still for six hours straight in a classroom, he is put on Ritalin because he must be disordered. He probably isn’t disordered, he is probably just a boy! They don’t sit very well and they like to pretend to shoot things. Surprise, surprise!

By the time they reach adulthood, the male species as a whole has been socially castrated, forced to take his God-given natural aptitudes for manly pursuits and competitiveness, and trade them in for avocado lattes and safe spaces (cuz we must always be considerate of other’s feelings). Just grow a beard and put on a flannel if you are feeling particularly manly today.

I love a good beard, and I have yet to meet a man who looks bad in a flannel, but the obsession with looking like a man while still being told to behave like a woman breaks my heart. Heck, even the obsession with looks is a trait they borrowed from women. In practical terms, “lumbersexuals” are perfectly useless, even if their beards are as long as Gandalf the Grey’s, unless they have some guts behind that facial hair.

Wives aren’t helping either. So many of us won’t let our husbands lead as they are called to. We push men out of family life, telling them they don’t know how to care for their families properly. They discipline the wrong way. They are being thoughtless, “JUST LET ME DO IT!” And guys all too willingly abdicate their place as head of the family and go off to do something else.

In the last three months, I’ve seen stories about a woman telling her preteen son that he is just a “potential rapist”, and a man’s letter go viral where he apologizes for his biology that naturally tends towards victimizing women. For all of this feminization of the culture, we sure aren’t gaining much, are we?

The authentic man is not a rapist. The authentic man is also not an obnoxious “bro” trying to get as many women as he can. The authentic man is a protector, a provider, a leader, and a gentleman. These traits are inherent in the physical and mental makeup of every man, just as the tendency to be mothering is inherent to every female. And what a wonderful world we would have if those traits were nurtured and shaped the way they were meant to, and we had a whole society of authentic men running around!

Now don’t get me wrong, the authentic man still can be a pain in the back. They are smelly, they leave their socks everywhere, and you have to clean the bathroom twice a week or it gets nasty. I suspect that raising authentic men gets even more frustrating. There are days I definitely sympathize 100% with the suffragettes.

This is where the complementary nature of the sexes comes in. Just because a guy does something different, doesn’t mean it is being done wrong. Men and women have different focuses, but these shouldn’t oppose each other, they should complete each other. If it weren’t for my man, my car would be falling apart, my yard would be a mess, my house wouldn’t be protected, and my kids would probably end up being fairly crazy.

So how do we get from the problem of “no real men left” to the ideal of a resurgence of the true male? Well, I’m glad you asked! There are a few things I can do as a woman to foster the return to society of the true man.

First off, we ladies need to stop expecting our men to act like women. They will discipline differently than we will. They will have different priorities. Learn to communicate through those differences instead of trying to eliminate them.

Secondly, we that are mothers of boys can encourage our sons to follow the example of good men. St. George is awesome. St. Michael may not actually be a man, but he is still pretty sweet. St. Joseph is great. Cicero is so cool that I may or may not have named a child after him. Point out the good traits of the men in their lives too. And make sure there are good men in their lives for them to follow! Don’t discourage your sons from being loud and messy in the right context. Let them play like boys so they can grow up to be men.

And third, we need to help males feel like men. I don’t mean that in a euphemistic way. I mean to behave like a woman so they can be masculine in complement to you. Let them have opportunities to be protectors, providers, leaders, and gentlemen. The feminist movement stole that from men, let’s be the generation of women who give it back.


Aside: before the comment box warriors find me, I must emphasize here that once again, I do not endorse being a doormat. Women and men are 100% equal in dignity, they just have different strengths and weaknesses.

As for what the fellas can do, well, being a woman, I have a slightly less clear picture of that. But I love Micha 6:8 as an example of what God is calling men to be. I think St. Joseph personified this exceptionally well. He’s another member of my Saint Posee, and I suggest every man add him to their’s too.

Society has no right to criticize males for being “toxic”. It’s like Thomas More said in his Utopia, what are we to conclude except that we first make criminals then punish them? We men and women who see the lies and damage that our culture is spreading need to rise up and fight for men. We’re all in this together, folks.

Just love your man for being a man, okay? Heaven knows they need it.


P.S. I’ve been working on my social media pages. Keep scrolling down to find my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter where I share smaller thoughts, images, and various articles that relate to my blogging project. I’d love to connect with you and get to know you better! Let’s keep in touch!

man with beard and pipe


8 thoughts on “Non-toxic Masculinity”

    1. The assault scandals in Hollywood and politics have had me thinking about it a lot (plus a few real life examples). There is so much more I have to say on the topic yet, but it boils down to a frustration with people seeing the opposite gender as the enemy.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Really good post! Imagine the complications that arise when we bring 36 more genders in…already struggling with two! Lord have Mercy on us. Thank you for some excellent reminders…as a wife and thrice-boy-mom,

    Liked by 1 person

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