Catholic

Peace, Trust, and Waterslides

Water pressed my head back. Twisting and turning, I lost all sense of direction. Panic set it when I realized I was totally out of control. All I felt was water, speed, and moderate rage at my husband for getting me in this predicament. Snippets of various prayers flashed through my memory as I wished with all my will that it would just be over.

Then I reached the bottom of the waterslide.

John 14-27

I can chuckle about my overreaction now, but at the time and for a good ten minutes after, I was fairly traumatized. It wasn’t the 20-foot vertical drop, the coffin-shaped chute you stepped in, the high speed, or the ten-story height we were dropping from. It was the darkness and disorientation of not being able to see where I was coupled with the lack of self-determination as to when I’d take the leap. That door shut, and 20 seconds later, the floor just fell out.

While I’m fairly good at improving, I’ve always needed a general plan. I never just go for a drive. I go for a drive around the block, to the corner store, near the park, and then back home. I read the synopsis (but never the ending, cuz I’m not a monster) of a book or movie before I decide to read or watch it. I like to know where I am and where I’m going.

So that waterslide = bad. I’m equally terrified of spelunking. Freaks me out.

It’s not just spatial disorientation that bothers me, it’s relational disorientation too. A few close relationships in my life are in the middle of some drastic changes. I really have no clue what they’ll look like in the future, or even if they’ll survive at all. It’s really robbed my peace of mind. Again, it’s not the fact that they might end, I’ll face that if the time comes, it’s the uncertainty that bothers me.

Blessed are the Peace Makers

No one enjoys being anxious. And it’s not what God wants for us. He is not the prince of anxiety, but the Prince of Peace. We just finished a chapter in Fr. Hardon’s Marian Catechist program on the Beatitudes. In it, we were discussing peace of mind and peace of heart. Peace of mind comes from knowing the Truth and peace of heart comes from living in accordance with that Truth. None of that has anything to do with knowing the future.

Christ offers me peace of mind and heart by following Him. That’s easier said than done, but it’s not terribly complicated. He’s given me all the tools and information I need already.

I knew I’d reach the bottom of that waterslide safely. I trusted that the builders and operators of the park wouldn’t let thousands of people into that chute if there was any chance of injury. All I had to do was follow the ground rules: no dangly jewelry, cross your arms and legs, and lean back. Pretty simple. I stepped on top of that trapdoor because I trusted them. Likewise, I know that God intends for me to reach my final destination safely, as long as I listen to Him and follow His Plan.

To help me remember that simple fact, I’m adding the Litany of Trust by the Sisters of Life to my favorite book of prayers.

From the belief that
I have to earn Your love
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear that I am unlovable
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the false security
that I have what it takes
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear that trusting You
will leave me more destitute
Deliver me, Jesus.
From all suspicion of
Your words and promises
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the rebellion against
childlike dependency on You
Deliver me, Jesus.
From refusals and reluctances
in accepting Your will
Deliver me, Jesus.
From anxiety about the future
Deliver me, Jesus.
From resentment or excessive
preoccupation with the past
Deliver me, Jesus.
From restless self-seeking
in the present moment
Deliver me, Jesus.
From disbelief in Your love
and presence
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being asked
to give more than I have
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the belief that my life
has no meaning or worth
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of what love demands
Deliver me, Jesus.
From discouragement
Deliver me, Jesus.

That You are continually holding me
sustaining me, loving me
Jesus, I trust in you.
That Your love goes deeper than my
sins and failings, and transforms me
Jesus, I trust in you.
That not knowing what tomorrow
brings is an invitation to lean on You
Jesus, I trust in you.
That you are with me in my suffering
Jesus, I trust in you.
That my suffering, united to Your own,
will bear fruit in this life and the next
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You will not leave me orphan,
that You are present in Your Church
Jesus, I trust in you.
That Your plan is better
than anything else
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You always hear me and in
Your goodness always respond to me
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You give me the grace to accept
forgiveness and to forgive others
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You give me all the strength
I need for what is asked
Jesus, I trust in you.
That my life is a gift
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You will teach me to trust You
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You are my Lord and my God
Jesus, I trust in you.
That I am Your beloved one
Jesus, I trust in you

Perfect interior peace isn’t something I’ll attain in this life. But I’m going to keep working at it. He knows what He is about, and I hope I can learn to remember that. Every waterslide has an end.
AMDG+
Peace, Trust, and Waterslides
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1 thought on “Peace, Trust, and Waterslides”

  1. I can totally relate to this – good at improvising but still want a plan. My word of the year in 2017 was peace, and whew, God knew I needed it to be. Cultivating peace is just one of those things that seems so simple (and I suppose it is), but so much harder to actually do. That litany is awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

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